What Do the 5 Biggest Stressors in Life Have in Common?

Lisa B. Strong
May 2
3 min read

The answer may transform your experience of everything, including yourself.

Can you find the common thread in the top five most stressful life events?

Divorce
Death of a loved one
Major illness or injury
Moving
Job layoff

The answer: all of them involve Loss. Is this a coincidence? That ALL FIVE of the biggest stressors in our lives are about losing something or someone? Not in my book.

When we lose what was so much a part of us that it almost feels like losing an arm or a leg, it not only hurts on an emotional level but it can also throw off our whole internal system. That's because the human body likes staying in homeostasis, aka maintaining a steady state of internal balance. On a physical level, homeostasis is vital. It helps regulate everything from our hormones to our body temperature to our sugar levels. Homeostasis is critical for our mental functioning as well, otherwise known as helping us "keep our shit together." But then Loss strikes our lives like a 7.0 earthquake, destabilizing our internal balance... crumbling the very ground beneath our feet... swallowing up our Old Reality in an instant and forcing us to rebuild a New Reality. A New Reality where we don’t get to take our old identities with us.

Who Am I, Really?

When I work with clients who are navigating big losses or life transitions, there’s often a predictable identity crisis that happens. After all, if they suddenly aren’t a “wife” or a “lawyer” or a “parent” or a “homeowner” or “an able-bodied person” anymore, then who are they? Having your identity upended can feel a bit like having your wallet snatched out of your hands. Or, in some cases, like having all your clothes snatched off your body, leaving you bare and bereft. The good news is, at least from a spiritual perspective, that discovering who you're NOT can actually bring you that much closer to discovering who you ARE. Because, if you think about it, nothing is permanent.

Any part of our identity that we assume to be “me” can be taken away at any moment. Never mind the fact that “me” as a whole can, ahem, cease to exist at any moment. We don’t like to think about this, of course. Most of us run away from it like our hair is on fire.

Except, that is, if you’re an Anxious Annie like me, in which case you think about all this far too often, to your own exasperating detriment. Oh, and except for the Buddhists, too, who are in tune with the impermanence of everything, albeit for much healthier reasons. Whether you’re a Buddhist, an atheist or an Anxious Annie/Andy, the point is: Loss doesn’t have to be a purely negative experience. What’s more, it can even be a gateway into profound self-discovery, and it can help you rebuild a New Reality that’s much deeper, richer and brighter than your Old Reality.

How to Wake Up Before Life Makes You

You don't have to wait for Loss to force you out of your cozy comfort zone. In fact, I recommend that you don't—if nothing else, to avoid that whole "clothes-snatched-off-your-body" scenario. So, I invite you to ask yourself now, if you dare: "If all the labels I consider to be my identity were suddenly gone… if all the parts of myself that I take to be 'me' were stripped away… what’s left?"

THAT, my friends, is the Real You. The You that existed long before this lifetime and will exist long after. The You that lies at the essence of Who You Are... that IS the essence of Who You Are. Believe it or not, it doesn’t really matter if you understand these words or not. The deeper part of you does. I promise you. If you noticed even the subtlest sensation inside you as you read those words—a slight stirring in your body perhaps, or a vague feeling of recognition—take that as a signal of this deeper truth. Also, take it as an INVITATION.

An invitation to commune with the deeper, greater part of you, which some call your Soul.

A Soul that has the wisdom and power—no matter how devastating a loss you’ve experienced—to make that loss the beginning of you instead of the end of you.

Soulfully yours,

Lisa B. Strong

Lisa B. Strong is an inspirational author and soul whisperer devoted to helping people awaken their divine inner power. She is also the author of a forthcoming self-help memoir.

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